Phil Stefani's 437 Rush, Chicago
Sure, Chicago is known for its pizza and hot dogs, but one other very critical thing that we had to be sure to do on this trip was to head into a swanky mahogany-lined steakhouse. These guys (437 North Rush Street, 312-222-0101) were apparently headed by a Milanese chef who also featured an extensive list of pasta on the menu should you so choose. But similar to Morton's, each cut of plastic-wrapped beef is presented to you before the start of the meal. I went for my usual ribeye, which in this case came with a giant Barney Rubble-like bone attached to it.
It was pretty much exactly what I was looking for in a classic steakhouse like this. The charred edges of the steak provided just the right complement to the fatty, tasty, and tender meat (that rosemary-based sauce on the side really wasn't even necessary), and of course requisite starters like oysters on the half shell were all available. The sauteed mushrooms were a bit sweeter than I'd like (I prefer the buttery version at Morton's instead), but pretty much everything you would want in a testosterone-charged carnivorous meal was here. Now it's time to reach for the bed and pass out.